Friday, August 24, 2012

Why I'm Such an Open Book

Why do I live my life as an open book?  Doing so opens me up to all kinds of judgment and harsh criticism.  My skin is anything but thick, so these thing often hit me very hard.  I'm working on toughening up a bit and being able to let things more easily roll off my back.  However, I don't want to lose who I am in doing so. I'd rather be a big ol' softy then have a hard heart just so my feelings won't get hurt.

Well, the main reason is I want people to learn from me, from my example, from my hardships, and my mistakes.  I can't help others who are struggling with the same issue I am if I keep my issues hidden. It would surprise you the number of close friends, co-workers, and family that I have found out have bipolar, major depressive disorder, or various other mental illnesses simply by bringing up my own illness.  People that would never have told me otherwise, but now that we know about each other we have support.  A person we can turn to when were having a hard time.  Don't we all need that?  Even people with out mental illness. A good support system can benefit everyone.

Being able to openly share my story is also very healing.  If I were to keep it all bottled up inside I'm sure I would have imploded by now.  I'm not one for secrets, especially ones about myself.  Other peoples secrets I can handle,  I can keep a friend's confidence, but hiding part of myself kills me.  I decided earlier this year that I want to share my heart with others.  (I think I unofficially decided this a long time ago)  The only way I know to do this is to share my whole heart.

My reminder that I wear around my wrist

So with that being said, I know that sometimes people are in shock that I and so open.  Maybe too open for some people, but that's just me.  It's the only way I know to be and it has worked for me so far.

Namaste,
Jen

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Weight Loss Wednesday's 08/22/2012

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Well I have been hopelessly stuck at the same weight for the past 2 1/2 months :(  It's frustrating but I know it is my fault for not being as strict on my diet as I should.  I cheat way to often.  I have gotten stuck back in the fast food rut.  I will be going to Sprouts and getting lots of healthy food so I will no longer have a excuse for stopping by What-a-Burger every morning.  I have 40 lbs left to lose before I hit my goal weight of 125 lbs.  I would like to reach it by January, but I know that slow and steady wins the race.  So I am fine with that as long as it comes off in a healthy way I'm ok with that.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Project 52 - Aug 21, 2012




In the last two weeks I've been focusing on forearm stand.  I've come close, touching one foot to the wall a couple of times.  This morning, however, I got both feet to the wall and held the pose for several breaths.  I may have had a little teacher assist, I'm not sure I was so excited to touch both feet to the wall that I don't remember :)  Also took a risk and started working on running man, way hard, and yesterday I was able to do running man!!!  So every happy!  What a great feeling of accomplishment!

1. Take Down Christmas Tree
2. Clean Scrapbook Room
3. Have Scrapbook Party
4. Clean Spare Closet
5. Clean Spare Bedroom
6. Clean My Closet  (Although it needs to be done again, lol)
7. Clean Bathroom
8. Clean Bedroom
9. Organize House
10. Stop Drinking Soda's
11. Host Josh's Bday Party
12. Headstand  (still improving but its there)
Traditional Headstand


13. Better Chaturanga(Still improving but its there)
Chaturanga

14. Running Man
Running Man done by my friend Kayleigh

15. Get Chickens
16. Get Garden Ready
17. Wheel  (so excited about this one)
Full Wheel

18. NAMIWalk Team Captain's Luncheon
19. Clean house for walk
20. NAMIWalk
21. Finish Classes
22. Register for Summer Classes
23. Read Yoga Sutras
24. Get Ready for Vacation
25. Vacation
26. Put Away Stuff From Vacation
27. Finish Client Book
28. Weigh 140 or below
29. Take 1 Summer Class
30. King Pigeon (double bound king pigeon)
Double Bound King Pigeon

31. Go to River
32. Float the River
33. Register for Fall Classes
34. Standing Bow (Love this pose)
Dancer's Poser

35. Hang 2011 Family Photos
36. Fall Garden
37. Herb Garden
38. Side Crow
39. Eat Cleaner (no meat for 2 months now)
40. Weight 130 or Less
41. Family Photos 2012
42. Forearm Stand (First one today 08/21/2012)

Forearm Stand


43. Jog a Mile
44. Christmas Shopping Done
45. Scorpion
46. Have Poker Party
47. Register for Spring Classes
48. Get Yoga Shorty Shorts
49. Finish Fall Classes
50. Find Teacher Training
51. Advance Practice
52. Weigh 125!




Monday, August 20, 2012

How I Came To Know Yoga

It first started around the year 2003.  I had switched to my second (and still to this day) psychiatrist.  She has been a God send.  Going off her advise I started seeing a therapist.  During our sessions my therapist, Janet, recommended that I start doing something that was just for me.  She suggested that I think about yoga because not only would it be me time, but it is great for your physical as well as your mental health.

I found a few classes at our local recreation center.  I started going and really liked it.  However at this point I was still learning who I was.  I was growing.  Relearning how I fit into the world.  Just going to the grocery store was scary.  I kept with the yoga for a few months but eventually dropped it to pursue other interests.  Like selling Avon of all things (insert big eye roll here).  Imagine little scared me selling Avon.  I actually didn't do too bad, mainly because I have a huge family of women. However, I still wonder what would have happened if I had stayed with the yoga all those years ago.

Me close to my heaviest

About two years ago (2010) I opened a membership to 24 Hour Fitness.  Due to the meds I am on for my bipolar I had easily ballooned up to 195 pounds.  That's a lot for my 5'7" frame.  I was tired of being the "the fat friend"  so I was determined to change.  I started eating right, working out, and taking aerobic classes like step, zumba, kick boxing, and you guessed it yoga!  It was there that I fell in love with this beautiful practice.  Yoga quickly became my drug of chose, and when I couldn't make my yoga classes my mood and everything was different.  I was taking a few college classes back then.  I remember when the semesters would start and I would have to miss some of my yoga classes, I would get depressed.  It was such a horrible feeling.  I should have known then that my future would be forever changed, and those college classes I was taking would soon be of no use to me.  It was at 24 hour that I met Charly.  She is an amazing teacher, she's the one that first showed me that yoga was so much more that just exercise.  I will be forever indebted to her for igniting that fire I have for yoga.

After bootcamp, about a month into going

In November 2011 my friend Stephanie talked me into going to a bootcamp class with her at the local hospital.  It was a great workout and the membership was only $13.50 for all the classes!  I dropped my membership at 24 hour fitness.  I was saddened by the thought of never being able to go to another one of Charly's yoga classes, but the bootcamp was working and it was so much cheaper.  We started going to bootcamp 3 times a week and kickboxing once.  All at the break of dawn (5:30 am).  Surprising considering I'm so not a morning person, but it was working I was actually losing weight!  The support system we had was great too.  Great place, great people, great sweat!

After bootcamp about 2 months in

I was finally losing weight and having fun, but in just that short period of time away I had really started missing yoga.  So Steph and I went to a local yoga studio where she taught Zumba to take a class.  It was my first class in an actual yoga studio.  I was blown away by the quality of the teachers that teach at studios vs. the ones that only teach at gyms.  If you're lucky, at a gym you'll get a teacher like Charly who works at both!  We didn't plan our trip to the studio very well.  The class we decided to take was Bruce's Rock Body Yoga in a heated room.  At one point I thought I was literally going to die.  Then later on in class I turned to Steph and told her she was a dead woman for getting me into this mess.  I spent over half the class in child's pose and the teacher still made me do a headstand!  You know what though when it was over I felt great, I was so happy and I even gave Bruce a hug and thanked him for torturing me for an hour.  Oh and I ended up sparing Stephanie's life and we came back for more punishment two days later.

Me and Stephanie after our 2nd class with Bruce
 Since then I've started going to at least 5 yoga classes a week at 3 different studios, not including workshops.  I go to mostly Bruce's classes because I like his style of teaching, but mainly because I trust him.  To me that is one of the most important things, being able to really trust your yoga teacher.  He has really become my mentor (whether he likes it or not).  He has encouraged me so much since he found out that I want to expand my practice and start teaching.  I even owe him the credit for pushing me to go deeper and learn more that just the Power Yoga that I love.  To go to a school that offered a more in depth teaching of yoga.

There are a few other teachers that I trust and look up too but our schedules never seem to mesh.  I have even met back up with Charly, purely by accident, she works at one of the studios I go to, I had no idea.  Talk about a very pleasant surprise.  I have made a few of her classes since then, but like I said the time's never seem to match up.  They have all been very helpful and empowering in my journey and continue to be.  I hope to be able to do the same for someone else one day.

Namaste,
Jen

Sunday, August 19, 2012

My Journey with The Double Headed Beast

My earliest memory of bipolar symptoms happened when I was three years old.  I remember playing in my room and hearing voices in my head.  Like any parent my Mom told me it was my subconscious (or self talk).  I mean who would have thought at three that it was the early signs of a disorder.  Most symptoms don't show up until puberty, and back then not a lot was know about bipolar, especially in children.

Me at age 3, with my Mom, Dad, and Granny at a family reunion
In November 2011 my  My next encounter with this double headed beast was around the age of 12 - 13.  I remember becoming severally depressed.  So much so that I could not get out of bed.  I would lay in bed or on the floor curled up in the fetal position just rocking back and forth trying to sooth myself.  It was so bad I couldn't even go to school.  My parents pulled me out of school to do homeschooling, which was still a challenge.  My Mom would drag me out of bed and make me go to breakfast with her.  Grandy's sausage and biscuits!  It was a small treat that eased my mind if only for a moment.  To this day I do not know what brought on this depression.  There were no extenuating circumstances.  Nothing traumatic occurred.  I just woke up one day so depressed I could not get out of bed.  A visit to my doctor resulted in him telling us that it was my womanly cycle.  When my Mom asked him, somewhat sarcastically  "So this is going to happen every month"? He replied yes.  How little they knew back then.

Me around age 11 with my dance troop preforming on the town square
After that horrible battle with depression broke I was free again until I turned 15.  It was then that I went on my first date ever (with the boy that would become my husband).  My date with Josh went wonderfully, but to my surprise, the next day my closest friends called me a slut for nothing more than the fact that we had kissed.  That was all it took, that one word and I was back in the dark abyss.  This time I moved my mattress on the floor right in front of the TV.  This is where I stayed for months.  I told Josh that I couldn't see him.  This was hard because I didn't want to talk to anyone, but my Mom made me be mature about it and at least talk to him.  School was even harder because not only was Josh there, but so were the girls that called me names.  It was dark and lonely.  It should have been a wonderful happy time in my life, but in one instance with one word my brain turned on me and became my enemy once more.  Despite all this our one date relationship still had supporters, his friends and my Mom.  They never gave up and that summer following our first date we started hanging out again and the rest is history.  Most girls can look back and romanticize their first kiss mine just takes me back to that dark sad place, but that's part of our love story.  Yes it's a sad part, but don't all love stories have a sad part?

Age 15 just a few months before my first date with Josh
There were some small battles with the beast but nothing major until I turned 19.  That year I started working with the police department in our hometown.  Following a dream I had of becoming a police officer.  It seemed farfetched but I actually fit in with the people and the situations.  I secured a job there as a police/fire dispatcher and 911 operator.  It was a fun yet stressful job.  I was working the night shift which at 19 and wanting to be in the middle of everything it seemed like a dream come true.  However, being a young woman with bipolar and having not been diagnosed this was a recipe for disaster.  About three to five months in I started to change.  Only those closest to me were able to see how drastic a change it was.  To all the people that I worked with I just seemed really happy and energetic.  About six months in I separated from my husband (another sad part to our love story) and distanced myself from my family.  I spent the next six months working and becoming more and more manic.  On December 18, 2000, mine and Josh's second wedding anniversary, I hit rock bottom.  I was sitting alone in my apartment, sliding into the all to familiar depression.  I found myself contemplating suicide, something I had never done before.  I made it thru the night and the next day my parents finally convinced me to confide in a therapist.  When I told him my experiences he said that he believed that I may be bipolar, but that I needed to make an appointment to see the psychiatrist to be sure.  However, when I went on to reveal to him that I heard voices when ever I was depressed or manic and that I had been thinking of suicide he made sure that I went to the hospital right away!
Age 19 on mine and Josh's first anniversary.  Only a few months before my breakdown
The hospital, really? Me?  I hated the thought, I didn't want to go, but with his advise and wanting to ease the fears of my parents I agreed to go.  I was evaluated and admitted immediately.  I remained there for 1 week as an inpatient and 1 week as an outpatient.  I was officially diagnosed as having bipolar 1 and placed on medication.  I returned to my old self again and with help from the Lord and some crazy unbelievable love Josh took me back!

I have been on meds ever since and gone to therapy when ever it is necessary.  Meds work for me.  They saved my life and my marriage.  They are a tool, one among many that I have to stay stable and safe.  Yoga being another tool, but I will get into that and the many other tools at a later time.
Me now practicing one of my favorite poses (crow)

Blessings to you all,

Namaste,
Jen




Saturday, August 18, 2012

A Little Bit About Me


Us back in the day :)
I'm a 31 29 year old, wife, secretary, college student, sister, auntie, daughter, bipolar, and last but by far not the least a Yogini!  My husband Josh is about to turn 33. We were high school sweethearts. We met when I was 15. He was the first and and remains the only person I have ever dated. This past year (201) we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. So to all the people that said we would never last I'd like to say "See I told you so!!!" (just kidding)

Josh our daughter Blu' and Me (our princess is in heaven now)

We had a beautiful fur-baby (bullmastiff) named Blu'. She was 7 years old when she passed away two years ago. She was our pride and joy.  It's been a long healing process for my husband and I, but after two years and a lot of grieving we were finally able to open our hearts, and love again.  We recently adopted our son Ryder.  He is a French Bulldog and full of spunk.  He is constantly happy and its very contagious. 

Josh our son Ryder Smeagol and me (2 years after losing our daughter we finally felt strong enough to love again! Now we have our adorable son Ryder)
Josh and I still live in the town that we graduated high school from, but we love it that way.  I'm a true Texan, born and raise.  I'm a little bit country a little hood rat, lol.  Josh and I love our Dallas Cowboys, its practically a religion in our house, so be prepared you'll probably be seeing lots of Cowboys updates come football season.
Graduation day with my mentor Coach Buchanan

To learn about my love of yoga visit my Yoga tab at the top this blog

and

To learn about my life with bipolar I will have a Bipolar tab at the top of this blog

and to learn how my life with both plays out just stay tune for all the new updates!

Hope ya'll enjoy my blog

Friday, August 17, 2012




I have accomplish quit a bit since I blogged last!  :)  this makes me very happy!  Yay for progress.

1. Take Down Christmas Tree
2. Clean Scrapbook Room
3. Have Scrapbook Party
4. Clean Spare Closet
5. Clean Spare Bedroom
6. Clean My Closet  (Although it needs to be done again, lol)
7. Clean Bathroom
8. Clean Bedroom
9. Organize House
10. Stop Drinking Soda's
11. Host Josh's Bday Party
12. Headstand  (still improving but its there)


13. Better Chaturanga(Still improving but its there)

14. Get Coop Ready for Chickens
15. Get Chickens
16. Get Garden Ready
17. Wheel  (so excited about this one)

18. NAMIWalk Team Captain's Luncheon
19. Clean house for walk
20. NAMIWalk
21. Finish Classes
22. Register for Summer Classes
23. Read Yoga Sutras
24. Get Ready for Vacation
25. Vacation
26. Put Away Stuff From Vacation
27. Finish Client Book
28. Weigh 140 or below
29. Take 1 Summer Class
30. King Pigeon (double bound king pigeon)


31. Go to River
32. Float the River
33. Register for Fall Classes
34. Standing Bow (Love this pose)

35. Hang 2011 Family Photos
36. Fall Garden
37. Herb Garden
38. Side Crow
39. Eat Cleaner (no meat for 2 months now)
40. Weight 130 or Less
41. Family Photos 2012
42. Forearm Press
43. Jog a Mile
44. Christmas Shopping Done
45. Scorpion
46. Have Poker Party
47. Register for Spring Classes
48. Get Yoga Shorty Shorts
49. Finish Fall Classes
50. Find Teacher Training
51. Advance Practice
52. Weigh 125!




Thursday, May 24, 2012

Weight Loss Wednesday's: Progress

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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Project 52




a few more, lol

1. Take Down Christmas Tree
2. Clean Scrapbook Room
3. Have Scrapbook Party
4. Clean Spare Closet
5. Clean Spare Bedroom
6. Clean My Closet  (Although it needs to be done again, lol)
7. Clean Bathroom
8. Clean Bedroom
9. Organize House
10. Stop Drinking Soda's
11. Host Josh's Bday Party
12. Headstand  (still improving but its there)


13. Better Chaturanga(Still improving but its there)

14. Get Coop Ready for Chickens
15. Get Chickens
16. Get Garden Ready
17. Wheel  (so excited about this one)

18. NAMIWalk Team Captain's Luncheon
19. Clean house for walk
20. NAMIWalk
21. Finish Classes
22. Register for Summer Classes
23. Read Yoga Sutras
24. Get Ready for Vacation
25. Vacation
26. Put Away Stuff From Vacation
27. Finish Client Book
28. Weigh 140 or below
29. Take 1 Summer Class
30. King Pigeon
31. Go to River
32. Float the River
33. Register for Fall Classes
34. Standing Bow (Love this pose)

35. Hang 2011 Family Photos
36. Fall Garden
37. Herb Garden
38. Side Crow
39. Eat Cleaner (no meat for 2 months now)
40. Weight 130 or Less
41. Family Photos 2012
42. Forearm Press
43. Jog a Mile
44. Christmas Shopping Done
45. Scorpion
46. Have Poker Party
47. Register for Spring Classes
48. Get Yoga Shorty Shorts
49. Finish Fall Classes
50. Find Teacher Training
51. Advance Practice
52. Weigh 125!




Monday, May 7, 2012

Project 52




Well I've been gone awhile but that just means I've gotten a lot done, or so I keep telling myself...


1. Take Down Christmas Tree
2. Clean Scrapbook Room
3. Have Scrapbook Party
4. Clean Spare Closet
5. Clean Spare Bedroom
6. Clean My Closet  (Although it needs to be done again, lol)
7. Clean Bathroom
8. Clean Bedroom
9. Organize House
10. Stop Drinking Soda's
11. Host Josh's Bday Party
12. Headstand  (still improving but its there)


13. Better Chaturanga(Still improving but its there)

14. Get Coop Ready for Chickens
15. Get Chickens
16. Get Garden Ready
17. Wheel  (so excited about this one)

18. NAMIWalk Team Captain's Luncheon
19. Clean house for walk
20. NAMIWalk
21. Finish Classes
22. Register for Summer Classes
23. Read Yoga Sutras
24. Get Ready for Vacation
25. Vacation
26. Put Away Stuff From Vacation
27. Finish Client Book
28. Weigh 140 or below
29. Take 1 Summer Class
30. King Pigeon
31. Go to River
32. Float the River
33. Register for Fall Classes
34. Standing Bow (Love this pose)

35. Hang 2011 Family Photos
36. Fall Garden
37. Herb Garden
38. Side Crow
39. Eat Cleaner (no meat for 2 months now)
40. Weight 130 or Less
41. Family Photos 2012
42. Forearm Press
43. Jog a Mile
44. Christmas Shopping Done
45. Scorpion
46. Have Poker Party
47. Register for Spring Classes
48. Get Yoga Shorty Shorts
49. Finish Fall Classes
50. Find Teacher Training
51. Advance Practice
52. Weigh 125!




Monday, March 5, 2012

Earth Day Dallas 2012



4/21 and 4/22 Fair Park 10:00 - 6:00 Saturday and Sunday 
2012 Earth Day Dallas Fair Park~ Hall of State~ 2 stages

Join us on sponsored by Crow Collection of Asian Art 

Bring your mat, a towel and your reusable water bottle and head out to Fair Park for some FREE yoga and amazing LIVE Musical talent! 

Lisa Ware as your FREE Yoga And Live Music Creatrix, Kristina Hilliard as your emcee ! 


  • Free Yoga and Interactive Classes : 4/21 Opening Ceremony 10:15a 
  • 10a- 6p Demos, Classes  + LiVE music and DJs Both Days
  • FREE Group community classes:
  • Join Texas most talented instructors for two round robin classes:
  • Sat. 11:30- 12:45 p with music by The Bhakti House Band
  • Sun 1:30- 2:45 p with music by The Sound and The Meaning

More yoga and music details to come soon! 
Visit our website for details Yoga4Love.net/EarthDay or for vendor application or other main event info go to :
Earth Day Dallas.org


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Acro Yoga 02/18/2012

"It's all fun and games till you fall and smoosh your sister" ~Josh (My dear hubby)
My new passion, if you can't tell, is yoga.  Last weekend my sister Lyss and I went to a Acro/Partner Yoga Workshop!  It was so much fun :)  Still can't believe she was able to hold me up!

 This is call the Super Yogi Pose. Bruce is the base in this one holding Alyssa up.
 Meet Amy the other skinny mini in our group of 3.  Still can't believe she held me up.
 This one is called candle Stick.
 Amy doing candle stick
 Haha, Lyss trying to hold me up in Candle Stick.  Didn't quit make this one :)
 Amy the Super Yogi


Lyss flying beautifully

This was such a fun workshop!  Will def. be doing Acro Yoga again in the future.  Maybe next time I'll even be able to do Candle Stick!